This is not good.

I've pretty much been crying since I posted last night. I went to bed and just led there, and the tears just wouldn't stop. Everything has just got on top of me. This morning I woke up, and they started again, and then T pretty much told me I was an inconvenience to him, which means I have spent the last 2 hours in my office, crying more. Fat, hot, ugly tears. Thank god the person I share with isn't in today, I do not look good.

I led there last night, trying to decide what to do. But the problem is I don't know. Do I just up and leave everything? That's how I feel at the moment, that if I just left, it would solve a lot of problems.

I have done the forms for a replacement for my Warden job, that was at least one decision I made as I stared into space last night. I am not staying somewhere where another person can make me so unhappy. So then there is just my main job. I'm scared I'm going to loose it, so why don't I just leave and make the decision for them? Because I am having a baby in 2 and a half months, and I have no idea now how I am going to look after her. Giving up wardening means returning to the real world and paying rent and bills. Leaving job means no money to pay rent and bills. And no one will employ me, because I am having a baby, so no money. Not a good situation.

That said, other people must manage it. T could live the life he deserves, and not be burdened with me. I could just start somewhere else, somewhere new.

I haven't eaten since yesterday lunch time, I just can't bring myself too.

I just don't know what to do, I am a mess.